Tasting happiness :)

I am walking towards the tram station at Jernbanetorget. The snow blizzard of the previous day has left the town powdery white and in a tizz. Everything that had been swallowed down to be forgotten, has been blown up in the air and then burried again under heaps of snow. The sun came out today, only for the few daylight hours, but it did provide some comfort, though not much heat.  My toes are icicles and I can't feel them, but what I am actually thinking is that I need to write.

So much has happened these past months, experiences that I think would stay with me forever and changed me into a different (and happier) person. I have come into a state where I go on autopilot to survive.  I had my routines, my studies, my good friends, my religion ect. but  I think now that I have never really tasted real happiness...until now. I wouldn't say that I am suddenly jumping for joy every second, but something in my mind has shifted.  Something (or let's say rather Someone) told me that you don't have to live like this anymore. There is something much better out there.

I think that I have always had a "rather" good "relationship" with God, but what I've realized is that it just became one of my routines, like brushing my teeth or checking if I closed the door.  But recently it's as if I discovered a whole new world. I have always felt that I needed to get closer to God and have a closer relationship with him, but there was always something in the way. I think I never really took the whole "relationship" thing into context, to get an idea of what that really means.

But, being here in Oslo, and especially meeting all the people at OiC (Oslo International Church) has made me realize what the word relationship really means.  I have made so many wonderful friends there (you all know who you are :)) and they have opened my eyes... Being in a relationship is spending quality time together.  Not planning to spend time together, but actually spending time together.  Sometimes you don't even have to speak and sometimes you need to shut up and listen :)

But I think the thing I learned most is to let go. Recently in December I went luging with friends.  It's a sled that a single person rides through a snowy forest, uphill and downhill, left and right. The steering is sort of like horse riding, except that you also need to lift your foot up as well :) At first I was so afraid and didn't get the steering right at all, but after a while I just started to let go (not my hands, hehe) and enjoyed the ride.  Obviously I crashed and fell a few times, but that's part of the fun.  You just "pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again" :) Maybe this is a stupid comparison for you but it works pretty well for me.

I am always trying to control everything around me, I want things to be perfect and I want to do everything on my own so that I am sure it will be done properly :) And I need to be strong...always. But then I leave no room to God. Where does He fit into the picture? More and more now I know, God has the big picture, He needs to control everything, He knows how to do things properly and He is always strong, even when I am at my weakest point. 

So why do I keep going the way I'm going, if I can have a taste of this (luging :)) life?